


Less Than Great Expectations

by bachtoreality



Category: The Venture Bros
Genre: Comedy, First Date, First Time, M/M, Smut, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 00:48:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12222345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bachtoreality/pseuds/bachtoreality
Summary: Orpheus and Rusty match on a dating app and decide to go for it.Comedy and smut ensues.





	Less Than Great Expectations

The lights were still on in the crimson brushed room, that was something Rusty didn't expect. Didn't necromancers rely more on candles than the idle hands of science? He sighed audibly, turning to the taller man with a look of dissatisfaction on his face.

 

“Are you going to keep that stupid cape on when we, y'know...?” Rusty made lewd gestures with his hands and Orpheus dramatically rolled his eyes. His normally dramatic tone was tinged with sarcasm,

“Yes, and we'll be doing it in the middle of a pentagram with the strewn organs of an oryx beneath us, like a mattress of carrion! We will commune with the great powers that be. The most dark of black masses.”

 

“You know what. I should have swiped left. I'm outta here. I'll see you when rent is due.” He threw his hands up in the air with exasperation.

 

Rusty had barely made it to the door when a gentle hand touched his shoulder. It was something that threw him off. This man who based his entire character on pompous theatrics was so considerate in everything he did, including in how he touched others. Even his messages had been thoughtful to the utter most tee. It was something that, though irritating, left Rusty craving that amount of attention. He looked up to the other man, and saw that his face was twisted between remorse and a certain amount of embarrassed pride. They were both sad, lonely idiots crushed by expectations and legacy.

 

Rusty raised a brow and with a haughty voice, “You never told me whether you were a pitcher or a catcher.”

 

“Well I have never been much for sport outside of that of the summoning and spell-casting varieties, I wouldn't really know.”

 

“Oh my g- I'm not recruiting for the cubs for Christ's sake, do you take it up the ass or you know...”

 

“OH. Well I apologize for my inexperience with homosexual colloquialisms, my line of work limits my presence in those.. Areas.”

 

“Who knew, wizards and witches are anti gay.”

 

“No, not at all. As a matter of fact we are a very proud and indiscriminate group in those regards. I meant with slang, we of the magical persuasion define ourselves with more eloquence. A bit of style to spice the pot. The art is nothing without the presence!”

 

“Okay, whatever. Do you want to fuck me or am I fucking you? I really have to know since someone is going to need to.. Prepare themselves.” He pulled out a few packets with a phallus clearly stamped on them. They read:

PROMISCUOUS JOE'S SEX GEL: WARNING! SILICON BASED next to the text there was what looked like a sad ghost and an X through it.

 

“Well Dr. Venture..”

 

“Please, my name is Rusty. If we're going to do it you should at least use my first name.”

 

“Mkay, I've only relished the sweet pleasures of the female flesh, and so I honestly haven't the faintest clue yet. What do you recommend?”

 

“Well considering I would rather you not- uh-” Orpheus had moved closer to Rusty, entering his personal bubble and staring at him like he were a very perplexing work of modern art. “You might hurt yourself is what I was saying. So I'll be receiving.”

 

Byron was close enough to where the only thing he could see were those beautiful, deep dark eyes of his. Rusty shuddered, the sheer closeness exciting him. He could feel warmth radiating off the other man and he barely could control it when his arms raised up and he embraced the him. He felt the solid chest bearing into him, giving him a feeling of security he hadn't felt in so long. He had craved this kind of closeness and his heart beat faster as he felt the other man's hands grab his chin, craning his head to better meet soft lips.

 

The lush heat of their combined efforts left him weak- his eyes drooped close and he moaned sweetly into that mouth. The mouth that seemed to drone on and on about necromancy and obligation that right now was making him feel impatient for more sensation. Rusty had to force himself to cease the kiss. Orpheus looked at him sadly, like he had been expecting this rejection. It made something in Rusty twinge with empathy.

 

“No, it's just.. You can't dive immediately into the deep end. I need to get ready for the second act, if you catch my drift.”

 

“I really don't. When I was with my wife-”

 

“Believe me buddy, it's different. Didn't you ask the Alchemist for some tips on this or something?”

 

“He just told me not to bring you to a disco. Or to talk about my ex wife.”

 

“Both great pieces of advice, mind you!” Exclaimed a muffled voice beyond the room.

 

“You told me he was out for the night!” Venture whispered in a furious, accusatory tone.

 

Orpheus shrugged, “I assumed he would be. Shore Leave retrieved him an hour ago. Unless...”

 

Orpheus opened the door and strode down the hallway to the next room. Venture could hear a loud thud and the necromancer struggling with a large object. The taller man leaned against the door way with a massive crystal ball in his hand. The Alchemist was cheekily staring at them.

 

“Wow- I'm glad you guys are having a hard night.”

 

“What have I told you about astroprojecting in the house. Especially when I have guests over..”

 

“First off, you never have guests over. Like even now- he's your frickin land lord. Second, technically not astro-projecting. It's more like magic skype or whatever. You gonna ban the land line next? And finally third, I'm just checking in on my friend. When was the last time you had a date Byron? When you were twenty and you met your wife at a black mass in college? I figured you'd need someone to talk to if it went south. Not to mention Shore Leave has been taking for fucking ever to get ready for our date.”

On the other side a voice could be heard, “I take too long and you come too early we're really a match made in heaven snookums.”

 

The Alchemist rolled his eyes. “Are you catching this shit?”

 

Orpheus and Venture looked at each other before tossing the orb out the nearest window.

 

“And I thought my friends were invasive.” Rusty snarked, staring out the window.

 

“I wouldn't call a maniac in a cocoon and a trained OSI agent friends.”

 

“Could I call you a friend?”

 

“Hopefully by the end of tonight more than just that.”

 

“I'm sorry about that time at the motel. With the oni. I was just feeling.. Defensive.”

 

“It's alright. You weren't entirely far off.”

 

They kissed again, this time slower. Gentle hands removed clothing, exposing sensitive skin to deeper touches. Soft moans filled the room. Orpheus led them to the bed, it creaked under their combined weight. Sheets black and dark enveloped them as they moved with sinuous motion, seeking pleasure in the bare contact. Byron gasped suddenly with pleasure at a particularly well placed push. His erect cock pressing down on Rusty with terrible need.

 

With sin in his eyes of the most delicious variety, Rusty spoke, “if you pass me those packets I can teach you something new, Orpheus.”

 

Orpheus didn't know what he had expected when he had heard about preparation but it wasn't seeing Dr. Venture bent over with his fingers working between his legs. The smaller man was moaning wantonly, fucking himself with abandon. It wasn't so much a show as it was a display of animalistic lust. His narrow hips were moving to reach an unseen spot inside of him. With each push he seemed to hit it- but only just. Orpheus had to sit, watching with an uncomfortable erection. The visual stimulus only providing more motivation to continue with the act.

 

“Rusty- I'm afraid I can't wait much longer.” Orpheus's voice had taken on a needy tone, something that seemed utterly foreign from his usual theatrics.

 

Rusty huffed, “if you go slow it should be okay.”

 

Byron was above him, tall and overbearing. That intense gaze of his both dark and saccharine. It left Rusty feeling overwhelmed, yet desperate for more. With a concentrated motion the other man had himself positioned and moving inside. Inch by slow, maddening inch the necromancer entered waiting for the scientist to relax. Once they were fully met the two found themselves sweating and exhausted. Slowly they moved together, trying to seek what the other needed. Groans were stopped by tongues and lips, needy in their explorations. The bed creaked with their efforts and the muffled sounds heightened as they reached a peak. Both men crashed down, come spattering on black sheets as they stuck together with post coital ignorance.

 

“Sorry about the sheets.” Rusty said, breathless.

 

“No worries, tomorrow is laundry day. It's also my day of meditation but with the blasted racket that the dryer makes who can even pretend to have a sense of oneness with the powers that be!”

 

“Good to know even after a good fuck you're still back to being.. You.”

 

“Should I not be?”

 

“I mean I don't know. I do know that if I don't get back soon Hatred will probably start sending out recon and the boys. Even when I tell that idiot I'm going to be out all night he expects me back by 11:00 pm. Worse than my dad was.”

 

“I could..” Orpheus began the sentence and looked down, his face burdened with doubt.

 

“Hm?”

 

“I could come back with you..”

 

“Yeah only if you can make it past Sergeant Tits Mcgee Vatred.” Rusty remarked, cynicism dripping from his every word.

 

“I think I can do that.”

 

Later that night in the compound a small noise startled Rusty. His closet opened to reveal a familiar figure.

 

“I thought we both came out of the closet earlier.”

 

“Oh har de har. It took a lot of roaming around the Necropolis to find this distinct closet. I was scolded by my master in the form of Liberace. It was demeaning.”

 

“Well, sorry for that. For now we're keeping this on the down low. My kids aren't the brightest crayons in the box and I can't have Hatred having another existential crisis. He's literally one more away from massive super soldier coronary failure.”

 

“Sounds amenable. Good night.”

 

“Good night, Orpheus.”

 

They slept in peace.

 

The golden morning sun burned through the master bedroom. They awoke to a gasp and the clutter of fallen cutlery.

 

“Oh god damn it.” Rusty spoke through the grit and ache of sleep.

The boys were staring at them in disbelief as Hatred wide eyed and surprised started sweating.

 

“Does this mean we've got two pops now?!” Hank exclaimed.

 

“Why- Why are the boys here, Hatred?” Rusty questioned, anger rising.

 

“It's father's day Dr. Venture, I told ya the boys were excited to surprise you.” Hatred was looking at anything but the two men.

 

“I should go...” Orpheus whispered.

 

“Oh why should you! Nothing to hide anymore. Stay for breakfast. Just be ready for intrusive questioning from this one.” Rusty pointed to Hank.

 

Dean just looked on with could only be the obvious expression of extreme emotional scarring.

 

“And this one is going to need a mind wipe, again.”

 

“Wait what?” Hank began

 

“Oh, two mind wipes now.” Rusty corrected.

 

“You know you could just invest in a therapist.” Hatred chimed in.

 

Rusty got out of the bed, slipping on a fresh speed suit.

 

“Why bother with visiting a therapist for years when you can just get in the mind wipe machine for ten minutes? Come on boys let's make some waffles for our guest and then we're going to go check out that old mill in the backyard.”

 

“But you said to never go in there.”

 

“I also said I was going to get rid of the gay gene but here I am, being gay. All fathers are hypocrites, boy.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
